I Don't Know How You Do It!

You just do it....lots of people tell me they "don't know how I do it," but honestly where was my choice? I didn't choose this for my beautiful baby boy. And I certainly didn't choose it for me. But what is the alternative? You do what you have to do for those you love.

I STILL hate anything and everything to do with caring for people, sickness, and doctors. Except now I am surrounded by it all the time: 4-10 shots a day, blood, medicine, all of it. The first day at the endocrinologist's office when they had me give Evan his shot, only 12 hours after we even found out what T1Dwas, I was petrified! He was bawling, I was bawling, it was an emotional roller coaster that will forever be impressed in my brain.

You have time...I would have sworn there was no more room or time in our lives to handle anything. But you make room,  you make time,  priorities will be juggled for sure, but there is always time to do what has to be done.

I would give anything to take this from him. The darkest moments since diagnosis have been worrying and thinking about his future. Sure I can take care of him now, he's 5. But what happens when he's in school and bullied, or a teenager and doesn't want to take care of his diabetes, or in college and drinking, etc., etc. My heart breaks for the road ahead of him. Yes, I know he can lead a great life with T1D, but it will still be hard and involve more planning and precaution than for kids or people without T1D.

My anxiety has no end....when push comes to shove, and there I something real to worry about, I will. Life taking care of a T1D is worrisome for anyone, but for someone who is normally anxious and worried, it's brutal. Try finding peace when you feel like you are constantly chasing your child back from the brink. I had to learn that I wasn't weak for seeking help, and going to a counselor was a necessary evil for me to adjust and deal with this in a healthy way.

So few people understand and know about T1d. Myself and my husband included. We knew nothing before that fateful day in November. Then had a crash course, but we're still learning thousands of things every day,  in the beginning, it was hard to talk to people about it. They would say crazy things like "at least he doesn't have cancer" or " he'll get better" or "there's so much technology out there now" or "they'll find a cure soon". All of it was well-meaning, but it just made me angry. The situation sucked and I just needed people to understand that it sucked with me. It is incurable, without insulin he will die, with insulin he could die, we now have to do this crazy dance with blood sugar every minute of every day for the rest of his life.  It sucks, it's scary, and none of those silly things people said took it away.

My baby is strong! So much stronger than me,  we are three months in and the shots and pokes and checks and constant worry are just part of life for him, he is so resilient and strong and amazing. No, I can't take it away from him, diabetes is here to stay. But I can do everything in my power to protect him and love him and care for him,  because what else do we do as parents, other than step up?